Smooth brain content 🧶

Greetings from hell!

My old therapist once told me that I probably have a bleakly accurate outlook on the world, but that being right does nothing to improve my life. I'm trying to remind myself of that as America crumbles under the weight of its collective stupidity. Since childhood, my response to feeling helpless has been to either immerse myself in a lengthy, time-consuming project (e.g., writing about all 157 episodes of "Gilmore Girls") or to embrace media with an extensive fandom and 10,000 rabbit holes to explore. We're all just vibing until death, so we might as well be entertained. Dissociation, baby! 60% of the time, it works every time.

TV

Plus or minus benzos (image c/o @vintagefantasymag)

"RuPaul's Drag Race" on WOW Presents Plus (with a VPN if you're in the states)

I watched this show regularly for years until falling off post-Bob the Drag Queen. I ended up getting back into it this season (17) because I have a Kevin Bacon degree of separation with one of the contestants (Sam Star), which always makes me feel more invested. It is now something I look forward to each week, along with "Untucked," "The Pit Stop," and "Fashion Photo RuView." The nice thing about "Drag Race" is the endless spin-off content, making it the perfect dissociation watch. This video that Saul sent me from S14 speaks directly to my soul, so I think I have to watch that one next:

Unrelated to everything, someone needs to make a master list of all the queens that have cats. It's homophobic that this does not already exist.

"Taskmaster" on YouTube

For those unaware, "Taskmaster" is a British comedy panel show where the contestants complete a series of pedantic, pointless tasks in exchange for points. Little Alex Horne creates and facilitates the tasks while Greg Davies, the taskmaster, harshly judges them. Each episode has a winner and at the end of the series, the person with the highest overall point total is crowned champion of the season. It's not really about winning, though... it's more about the general absurdities along the way. A Redditor described it as "Mario Party with real people," which is spot-on.

I've been playing catch-up with the recent seasons and you can't go wrong with the casts of S15 and 16. I hate to get invested in male comics because it seems like they're all secretly scum, but Kiell Smith-Bynoe and Sam Campbell have the delightful weirdo energy to pull me out of even the darkest mood. Other favorite seasons are 7, 4, and 5. Jason Mantzoukas (AKA Adrian Pimento, maximum Derek, etc.) is on S19 — which should air in April — so we have that treat on the horizon.

Beloved comfort shows

When I'm feeling anxious, I often crave predictability (especially now when each day comes with a fresh new horror). One time I was visiting my cousin and we made the mistake of ingesting too many weed cookies baked by the local octogenarian dealer (Bruce). I got violently stoned to the point of extreme paranoia and the only thing that calmed me down was lying on the floor in child's pose while watching old episodes of "America's Next Top Model." I'm not sure why that show popped into my head, but I found Tyra Banks's verbal abuse oddly soothing (go ahead: psychoanalyze me).

These are my other favorites for when everything sucks and my brain is melting:

1. "Daria" on Paramount+
2. "Sex and the City" on MAX
3. "Younger" on Netflix
4. "The Bold Type" on Disney+
5. "Project Runway" on Peacock

You could also take a note out of John Oliver's book and get into "The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City." Now feels like the right time for a toe-dip into that cesspool.

I've been enjoying the new seasons of "Severance" and "The White Lotus," although I wouldn't necessarily call them cheerful. S3 of "Yellowjackets" has unfortunately been terrible. Is anyone else watching? I have to force myself to turn it on each week. The other new show I'm watching, "Mussolini: Son of the Century," is downright nightmare-inducing, so I can only recommend it for fellow masochists. Other recommendations from assorted people that I generally trust:

• The "Matlock" reboot with Kathy Bates (my mom says it's good)
• BBC One's "Dope Girls," based on Marek Kohn's 1992 book
• "Traitors," which I'm sure will become an instant obsession
• "Kath & Kim" (the OG Australian sitcom, not the American remake) - Trixie and Katya were chuffed and that's enough for me

Oh, and of course, the Palladinos' new show, "Étoile," comes out April 24 🎉

Movies

The dumber, the better.

"The Brady Bunch Movie" (1995) and "A Very Brady Sequel" (1996) on Kanopy, Pluto TV

"The Brady Bunch" is one of those twee shows I grew up watching on Nick at Nite and adored for inexplicable reasons. Nothing ever really happens and the entire family is blandly perfect in a way I would normally find infuriating and yet... there's something extraordinarily comforting about turning it on and slipping into their low-stakes world of normalcy. Plus, it's an absolute riot if you watch while stoned. The movies, which I hadn't seen in 20+ years, are somehow even better because the concept — placing the naive 1970s Bradys into the much grittier 1990s — allows for heightened camp. I laugh just thinking about the scene where Jan brings "George Glass" on a date and everyone assumes she's doing a performance art piece. It's a shame that RuPaul is the only one who cares about her descent into madness.

The first film was directed by Betty Thomas, who fellow 90s kids probably know as Shelley Long's (Carol Brady) nemesis in "Troop Beverly Hills" (1989). The second was directed by "Gilmore Girls" alumni Arlene Sanford. The scripts were penned by several talented writers (some uncredited) from shows like "The Golden Girls," "3rd Rock From the Sun," and "Saturday Night Live." The humor is gay, the cast is perfect... Everything about these movies is even better than I remembered. It's somehow the 30th anniversary of "The Brady Bunch Movie," so stay tuned for a longer piece about it as soon as I get my shit together. In the meantime, I highly recommend a rewatch.

"Troop Beverly Hills" (1989), which I assume everyone owns on VHS from the bargain bin at Blockbuster

Why didn't Shelley Long have a better career? She was 38 when she left "Cheers" and already branded as a "difficult" woman, so you do the math. She's so fucking funny, though, and was a big part of my childhood. Every sleepover from 1995-1998 consisted of "Troop Beverly Hills," "Outrageous Fortune" (1987), and "The Muppets Take Manhattan" (1984). There is no Long connection to the latter, but it felt remiss not to mention it. For the record, Google's trash AI tried to tell me there was a connection and I was flummoxed for about 1 second before I remembered that AI is a dumbass bitch:

As a child, I remember once peeing myself because I laughed so hard at the scene where a white fur coat-adorned Long crawls on her hands and knees in the mud with a fondue pot in her mouth. When I'm 90 years old and senile, I will still have the Renaldo monologue memorized. When someone identifies themselves as a "girl mom," this movie is what immediately comes to mind. The screenplay is written by a trio of talented women — Ava Ostern Fries (story), Pamela Norris, and Margaret Oberman — with years of experience on "SNL" and "Designing Women," so you know you're in good hands. It feels wrong to love an 80s movie where the heroes are out-of-touch rich people, but this one works because it has zero interest in moralizing. Bobby Finger puts it best:

For those interested in Long's career, please check out Drew Mackie's excellent overview. I can't believe Vanity Fair hasn't done one of their 'oral history' features on this movie yet. Where were they for the 30th anniversary in 2019? Maybe they're waiting for the sequel that was allegedly in the works in 2020 (and hopefully never comes).

"Married to the Mob" (1988) on Tubi

Not only does Matthew Modine's character have 4 cats, he sleeps in a bed made of scratching posts and adorned with a Kit-Cat Klock. When he wakes up in the morning, he gets dressed and feeds the cats via April Nardini-esque Rube Goldberg contraption. Are we sure this guy is in the FBI and not a computer developer hellbent on automating mundane tasks? Either way, I love him almost as much as I love everything about Michelle Pfeiffer.

If someone described this movie to me without mentioning that it's directed by Jonathan Demme, I would have zero interest in it. In different hands, the script, written by Barry Strugatz and Mark R. Burns (who also wrote "She-Devil" together), might come off as a semi-serious, stilted "Godfather" knock-off or a wacky parody of the genre. In Demme's hands, it's... a Jonathan Demme movie. The characters feel like real people, the casting is impeccable (c/o Howard Feuer of "Moonstruck" and coincidentally, "The Muppets Take Manhattan"), and every frame is full of quirky, weirdo goodness. Is Scorsese giving you a gangster movie soundtrack with Sinéad O'Connor and the Tom Tom Club? Fuck no. Francis Ford Coppola isn't casting Chris Isaak as a gun-toting Burger World clown. Those directors are serious; Demme just wants to have fun, to spend time with his characters and learn what makes them tick. He's the type of filmmaker who finds every single person he comes across interesting. I wish I could see the world like him but since I'm too much of a grouch, I'll have to settle for experiencing it via his films.

Miscellaneous

If your brain is too broken for books right now, this one's for you

Listen to my playlist

I used to love making playlists on 8tracks back in the day and I was sad to learn that the site finally died at the end of 2024. Had I been smart, I would have saved all of my playlists somewhere, but alas... I am dumb. They were all made in the throes of immature romantic entanglement, so I probably wouldn't have listened to them again anyway (and the same goes for the stack of mix CDs in my childhood bedroom). I hate Spotify and everything it stands for, but I guess it's the only good way to share music, so here we are. I like listening to this playlist while driving, doing chores, etc. The sweet sounds of Fela Kuti, La Femme, and Dorothy Ashby are often the only thing preventing me from strangling someone at the grocery store. These tunes won't make you sad! They're a shot in the arm! (Something in my veins, bloodier than blood.)

My absolute favorite place for finding new music is Amoeba's "What's In My Bag" series, so check that out, too. Oh, and I'd be remiss not to mention this excellent tidbit from Louis Wise's interview with Mel Ottenberg:

Peruse a Reddit thread

• I used to love "Dinner and a Movie" on TBS in the 90s/early aughts. It directly competed with the "TGIF" programming block on ABC, so I would flip back-and-forth during commercials. I had completely forgotten about it until reading this thread on r/ForgottenTV, which prompted me to see if a revival was in the works. Unfortunately, one is already underway with Jason Biggs and Jenny Mollen as hosts. If you're wondering whether it's good, well... just watch this promo. At the very least, they could have channeled 90s design for the set instead of this soulless garbage.
• If you love it when celebrities shit-talk each other (a la "Feud: Bette and Joan," "Didion and Babitz," Elton John's memoir), this r/popculturechat thread is for you. It's heavily weighted toward Tom Cruise, which feels appropriate since no amount of coconut cake erases whatever fuckery led him to an evil cult religion. In the same vein, I enjoyed this literary gossip thread on r/Fauxmoi.
• I can't get enough of a good fashion/jewelry overview and this one on r/whatthefrock does not disappoint. María Félix was known for her roles in films like "Doña Bárbara" (1943) and "Enamorada" (1946), but probably just as much for inspiring other artists, especially Cartier. If you're not familiar with her, this thread is a good starting point for the inevitable deep dive.

Watch video essays on YouTube

I love this format for film criticism and wish I had the gumption to create it. Here are some recent video essays I've enjoyed:

• "Hitchcock's Hair Obsession: Blondes vs. Brunettes" by Be Kind Rewind ("Hollywood history and the women who make it great")
• "Cabaret & the Seductive Power of Evil" by Matt Baume ("pop culture history from a queer perspective")
• "How David Lynch Saw the Bright Side" by Broey Deschanel ("a mixture of film analyses, retrospectives, politics and just absolutely overthinking anything to do with pop culture)
• "Isabella Blow: The Woman Who Discovered Alexander McQueen" by understitch, ("fashion critique 🤝 business analysis")
• This one isn't a video essay, but I'm obsessed with Casa Mia Vintage, a YouTube channel that posts ASMR flip throughs of vintage magazines. Someone needs to tell Every Outfit's Chelsea Fairless about this.

The end. Are you sufficiently lobotomized? If all else fails, pet a cat, take a bath, and find a good estate sale. Delete all the bad apps from your phone and stop the IV drip of horrifying news.

This header illustration is from one of my all-time favorites, "Miss Rumphius" (1982), written and illustrated by Barbara Cooney 🪻