'Gilmore Girls' Season 5, Episode 15: Jews and Chinese Food

Directing and writing credits:
"Jews and Chinese Food" is directed by Matthew Diamond, written by Amy Sherman-Palladino. Here are Diamond's previous credits:

"The Hobbit, The Sofa, and Digger Stiles" - I spent most of the episode wondering how much Sookie and Lorelai's child party gig would have to pay for them to turn an actual profit.
"An Affair to Remember" - Kirk and Lulu's first date!
"Luke Can See Her Face" - Paris espouses the important lesson that vanilla gelato is for old people. Noted.
"Norman Mailer, I'm Pregnant" - Doose's Market now has nachos, hot dogs, and Icees (for the trucker crowd ... and Lorelai).
"Women of Questionable Morals" - Rory showcases her awful bow cardigan for the first time.

I have zero ASP news, but this tweet made me laugh:

Most batshit crazy outfit:
Unfortunate choices abound! Let's start with Marty, who is wearing a scarf that is best suited for a 65-year-old man on his way to a weekly canasta game. It would probably look fine if paired with a generic wool coat, but a red hoodie? If it's warm enough to wear a hoodie as a jacket, you do not need that scarf, bro.

Pregnant Sookie is wronged yet again in another crime against female bodies. This time, she's wearing a sparkly dress layered on top of jeans with a button-down shirt (half-open), and a chunky brown cardigan. Her lavender loafers are the only decent part of the outfit. I'm not a fan of Rory's red, cropped and tied movie night cardigan, but it's not exciting enough to further dissect. It's ugly and boring simultaneously. I do want to know why she has a Harpo Marx wig and hat just casually hanging around her apartment, though. Remnants of Halloweens past?

And of course, we can't forget Carrie Duncan (Jill Brennan), whose ensemble says "this hot flash isn't going to cool itself down." In an earlier scene, she wears a pair of jeans that lace the whole way up the sides 😳 I wanted a similar pair in middle school, but my mom said no.

While I don't often give positive mentions, I must commend Lulu for this blazer. I low-key feel like she was the inspiration for Jessica Day's (Zooey Deschanel) wardrobe in "New Girl."

Most irritating Rory or Lorelai moment:
Lorelai's "tongue-shaped ice cube" rant is enough to drive even the most patient person to homicide. Her "coffee coffee coffee" plea is likewise grating. As someone who worked in the food service industry for all of high school and college, I heavily co-sign the bakery employee's lack of amusement.

Rory's behavior remains insufferable. At this point, she needs to leave Marty alone and stop using him as a replacement boyfriend when Logan is unavailable. I still think some of the onus is on him for failing to express his feelings, but Rory has to know that it's not chill to send mixed signals like this:

Marty is not the gay best friend from some horrible 90s romantic comedy, Rory! He has a penis that he clearly wants to stick inside of you. Read the room and stop making him think that he might have a chance. Also, imagine what Emily Gilmore would say if she saw Rory and Marty with their sneakers on the furniture. She would take back the sofa and write Rory out of the will immediately.

Number of times Rory or Lorelai treat their bff like shit:
After Luke moves his boat out of her garage, Lorelai is hellbent on remodeling the space into a "special all-me alone place." Sookie, who probably feels guilty about telling that shitty Katie Couric story, rushes over to help with a large bag of glue and glitter from Stars Hollow Party Supply. It is a quality best friend interaction with zero shitty vibes to critique.

Rory kicks Doyle, Paris' "undefined sexual male partner," out of their dorm after his constant presence becomes unbearable. This is something that she probably should have discussed directly with Paris before it became a problem, but I'm proud of Rory for asserting herself. I was never great about setting boundaries with roommates and got myself into some weird situations over the years.

Best literary or pop culture references:
Marty thinks the "I Love Lucy" episode with Harpo Marx is lame, which is as good a reason as any to stop hanging out with him. That episode is iconic! Marty says, "There’s no way Harpo even for a second would have believed he was looking in a mirror. And the last time they made that ‘popping up from behind the partition’ move, Lucy was totally slower than him." How dare you criticize the comedic stylings of our goddess Lucille Ball, canape boy.

Compare for yourself. Here's the mirror scene from "I Love Lucy" (1955):

And here's the mirror scene from "Duck Soup" (1933):

This excellent blog post has more information about the episode.

Stars Hollow weirdness:
Kirk, an adult man, plays Tevye in an elementary school production of "Fiddler on the Roof." He sings a love song with a child! I always thought this episode was cute (and I mean, it sort of is), but I can't shake the creep factor. It reminds me of those weird as fuck daddy-daughter dances that many people still claim are totally unproblematic. Years later, these children come forward and accuse Kirk of running a train on them.

At their Yale Friday night dinner, Lorelai gives Rory the big Stars Hollow news: Taylor is freaking out about a hurricane-induced grapefruit shortage; Babette and Miss Patty are organizing "Stars Hollow's first botox party." Lorelai is insulted when Rory asks if she was invited but really, late 30s is not too young to get started for those so inclined.

Sharpest insult or one-liner:
Thus begins the trend of comparing Emily Gilmore to world leaders who have committed atrocities. I wouldn't say this is the sharpest insult, just the most memorable.

Lorelai: This was a good idea, having dinner.
Rory: Well, it is Friday night.
Lorelai: Yeah, but Friday night dinner without Ava and Adolf. Lovely.
Rory: It's really not fair calling Grandpa Adolf!
Lorelai: No, no, that was Grandma.

Okay, Lorelai. Emily pulled some strings to encourage a breakup between you and your boyfriend. She didn't — oh, I don't know — orchestrate the murder of six million Jews.

Books mentioned/books Rory is reading:
Rory is reading "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius" when Logan taps on her window. She and Paris also have a Dave Eggers poster in their common room. I read this book in high school or college and remember liking it, but have never felt the need to revisit.

Best song of the episode:
Let's go with the child rendition of "Tradition" from "Fiddler on the Roof." Fun fact: I played the percussion parts in the pit orchestra for this musical during my senior year of high school.

Thoughts:
Lorelai is done wallowing and ready to start blaming all of her problems on Emily, per usual. At Yale Friday night dinner, she assures Rory that Emily was solely responsible for the vow renewal fiasco. I'm not sure why she's so certain that the entire plan was orchestrated by Emily because we all know that Richard has equal love for meddling (let us not forget Jason's take down in S4). The absolution of Richard is a great way to piss Emily off, but feels misguided. Both parents deserve scorn, but what Lorelai should really be thinking about is why her relationship was so easy to sabotage in the first place.

During their discussion over unidentifiable cafeteria food, Rory reveals that Christopher sent her an email, explaining "his side of the story." To her credit, Lorelai calls bullshit on his claims — that the whole thing was a misunderstanding and he was only there to celebrate the vow renewal — without completely trash talking him to Rory.

Lorelai seems to be doing okay with her new solo routine until Luke makes the mistake of moving his boat out of her garage without giving a customary forewarning. To avoid being left with "a giant hole of depression," she decides to slather the now empty space in hideous shades of pink and blue; adorn it with a gold sparkle border, Michel's sad floral stencil designs, and daisy appliques; and top it all off with a disco ball. It is certainly not the "Zen sort of space" she had initially envisioned. Drew Barrymore would be deeply disappointed.

In the midst of this drama, Lorelai and Luke are both helping with the Stars Hollow Elementary School's production of "Fiddler on the Roof." Pre-breakup, Lorelai signed them up to help with the sets and costumes. When Bradley (Drake Johnston) and Lulu come into the diner to remind Luke of his commitment, he is initially so grouchy that he nearly has a child asthma attack on his hands. When Lulu mentions that Lorelai is also going to help out, he perks up and assures Bradley that he will not renege on his promise.

After several Lorelai-less rehearsals (and strained conversations about lesbians that clearly make Luke uncomfortable), he shows up at her garage and accuses her of being a negligent volunteer. After some jokey patter about Yente, who tripped on her dress in rehearsal, Lorelai loses her patience and details her frustration with the boat situation. Luke says nothing substantial in return, and the next time they see each other is during the musical's opening night. As Tevye (Kirk) and Golde, his child wife (Tess Heilpern), sing to each other about love and commitment, Luke and Lorelai lock eyes, unsure of what to say to each other. ✨ Foreshadowing! ✨

With Logan out of town, Rory turns to her GBF for male validation. In the middle of their Marx Brothers movie night banter, Logan knocks on the door and invites Rory to dinner at China Palace with his friends. When he realizes that Marty is there, Logan extends the invite. Marty doesn't want to go but agrees to it because he knows that Rory is interested. I sort of respect him for tagging along, feeling out the situation, and eventually confessing his feelings for Rory. This episode actually makes me very sympathetic to Marty's plight. Over the course of the meal, his outsider status is cemented. Marty isn't wealthy, actually likes his family, and doesn't have a hard-on for meanness like all of the other douchebags at the table.

Marty's discomfort in this scene is palpable. At one point, Logan starts playing with Rory's hair as Marty dejectedly watches. Toward the end of the meal, he's snidely mocked for asking Colin if he missed his family while at boarding school. No one is openly nasty to him, but it's clear that he doesn't belong. When the bill comes and Colin announces that everyone owes $75, he awkwardly excuses himself to find an ATM. Colin bemusedly replies, "how quaint," which makes me wonder how exactly he gets money. I guess he probably has a servant bring him a wad of cash each morning for daily expenses.

In good friend fashion, Rory heads outside with Marty and ends up loaning him money when he reveals that he only has $18 in his bank account. She also agrees to leave with him instead of sticking around for zydeco music with the future Trump voters. To top off his night of humiliation, he finally tells Rory that he likes her and doesn't want to be just friends. With only the briefest amount of hesitation, she tells him that she likes Logan. Marty respects her response, promises to pay her back, and the two part ways.

It all could have gone much worse had Marty handled rejection like the dudes I went to school with (e.g., not well). I also respect him for setting boundaries and refusing to watch "Duck Soup" with Rory after being swiftly friend-zoned. "I really like "Duck Soup," so I really don’t want to associate it with this particular night." I have nothing but respect for this dude (until his S7 behavior undoes all of the kindness I currently feel towards him).

I never found Rory sexually attractive until the scene at the end of this episode. When Logan shows up unexpectedly to say "a proper goodnight," Rory pulls him into her bed and initiates sex like a pro. I would absolutely let her seduce me, no question. I must also give props to the writers for this exchange:

Logan: Rory, do you want me to go?
Rory: No.
Logan: Okay, ‘cause if you think climbing in that window was hard –

More erect penis jokes, please! WB censors be damned.

Random observations:

• This is the first episode where we find out that Paris is trained in krav maga.
• Small highlight: Michel lint rolling the top of the computer monitor when he's bored/alone at the inn.
• Rory and Marty's movie night snacks include pretzels (San Francisco sourdough, German pumpernickel, chocolate-covered Swiss, and wasabi bites), pizza, and leftovers from the Cartina engagement party.
• Sean Gunn is hilarious throughout this episode. When Yente trips and the music stops, he screams, "Damn it! I was feeling it, people!" with the exact right level of outrage.

• Luke makes a joke about kids wetting the bed and Lulu hits him with the perfect "I'm laughing but you're really not funny" reaction. Long live Lulu.
• Several of the child actors from the musical show up again in S6 ("We've Got Magic to Do") during Miss Patty's dance recital.
• I would panic if I went to a group dinner in college and the total came out to $75/person. I would claim to need the bathroom and straight ghost those rich motherfuckers with zero remorse.
• Riki Lindhome is back! This time, she's playing Juliet, one of Logan's rich friends with a rampant eating disorder who "hasn’t eaten a meal since 1994."